American Audiences -1

San Francisco, big hall, Davies Hall I think … and in the front row an elegant man, mid 50s, silver hair, a companion, blond, 20s, we didn't think it was his niece … good customers, though ... they had bought three seats … the third for her teddy bear ….

A little knowledge really is a dangerous thing!

(with many, many thanks to Roy Goodman)

Once upon a time (some 25 years ago), when Early Music was really new, and was taken terribly, terribly seriously, especially by record companies who made loadsamoney from it, La Petite Bande recorded Handel's Partenope.  Magnificent recording, and then an Assistant Producer with not quite enough knowledge asked the musicians for details of their instruments for the sleeve notes... and La Petite Bande took things just a little less seriously than one might have expected... and it came to pass that the sleeve notes listed three unusual 'cellos...

Richte van de Meer apparently played a Jansen & Tilanus instrument dating from 1743... though some misguided souls swear Jansen & Tilanus was a Dutch department store.

Illustrated - a fine & rare 'cello from 1746!

and historically most interestingly of all Ignazio Francobollo unearthed a gem made in Mantova before 1600 - which is the earliest known 'cello by, well, an awfully long time.

The great miracle though is that the recording was made at all - for apparently Ku Ebbinge's Oboe was after L Bols, from about 1700... now some of us think that Bols is a liqueur, and cannot contemplate what it would be like after 275 years!

And if you don't believe it, buy the CD - it's all STILL on the sleeve notes!

American Audiences -2

San Diego, home port of the US Pacific Fleet, and the Fleet is in.   It’s Christmas, so it must be Messiah ... packed auditorium, at least to start with.    Disappointing later though - empty seats, the punters weren't happy, oh no they were not, they thought Messiah was a rock band...

Sport for all.…

Local authority sports centre, somewhere in the Midlands (no, I'm not telling where), surprisingly good acoustic, enthusiastic audience, then in the alto's aria there's a thump, thump, thurrrump … what a shame that behind the orchestra it’s the wall of a squash court.

Its not just the music that counts!

Thanks to Clifford Bartlett for this one …. the prestigious first performance of Clifford’s Oxford UP edition of Messiah, given by the Huddersfield Choral Society at the Huddersfield Town Hall traditional Christmas performance.  Soloist (sex not specified, to protect the guilty) takes the booking immensely seriously, and memorises all the solos. But, but, but … didn’t realise that by tradition at Huddersfield the soloists join in the Hallelujah Chorus, so when the moment comes it’s a question of standing at the front of the platform frantically trying to mouth the entries …

The show must go on …

Beaune Cathedral, French countertenor (need the story go on ...?) and a duet the countertenor didn't know he had to sing ... and to sing without proper rehearsal would 'disappoint my public' (go on, imagine it a French accent!). Panic, prospect of a concert without a duet ... but help is at hand. The conductor is none other than Roy Goodman, immortalised by his recording of the Allegri Miserere … so with massive aplomb Roy announces that he will sing the offending duet.  Come the concert, he lays down his baton, takes his place, sings, recovers his baton and continues ... the most normal thing to do of course, happens every day ... and his public weren't disappointed!  

Break A Leg….

A fine ‘cellist, converting to the baroque ‘cello… taking it gradually, changing the bow, the strings, an element at a time, now just the spike is left.   A recital, a really good rehearsal, then…she hears the audience are 18^th century music academics… maybe, just maybe they’ll notice the spike, so there’s nothing for it, an instant decision… perform without a spike.

Excellent concert, applause is enthusiastic, time to take a bow.   There is though a knack to holding a baroque ‘cello between your calves… and our heroine hasn’t quite mastered it – stands to take a bow, calf muscles go into spasm, and she collapses over her music stand, giving rise to a new condition “baroque leg”.

(With thanks to that excellent ‘cellist Catherine Rimer who had us in stitches telling this story against herself!)

If you too "cannot be serious" then please email your experiences...

if they are not libellous we will put them on the website...

anonymously if you wish.